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 "It wasn’t meant to hurt"

He sat in his office trying to figure out what had gone wrong and how what was meant to be a mentoring session had become an inexplicable relationship. She was supposed to be a daughter and he was meant to be her spiritual father but how did things move so quickly that a lady that was meant to look up to him had become his bad habit and his nemesis.
Initially, he taught it was a mistake but with time he became trapped in the closet and there was no going back. In fairness after the second abortion he had tried to sort himself but a mere thought of her feeling of being dumped had made her tried to assist her overcome the pain and disappointments of being used but the more he tried to help the more he slipped into it the more until a life was totally destroyed and what was meant to be love had gone sour. Father had become a sworn enemy to daughter and the hands that was meant to build & the shoulder that was meant to comfort had become a slaughter slab for an innocent mind.
For Clementina he case was slightly different because she had vowed her life to God & was bent on keeping her vows until she met Paul who was the head of the music department. He was every lady’s desire because of his charisma and spiritual gifts. When Paul sang miracles happen & he was the calmest guy in church.
She desired him the moment she joined the choir and was not too surprised when he approached her to ask for a relationship. She loved God and felt he did as well and never bothered to check his reputation with choir members. She was excited that she was the babe to have swept anointed Paul off her feet but in not time she discovered that was the worst mistake she ever made because not only did she lose her virginity and aborted 4 pregnancies out of blackmail; she was also subjected to several forms of domestic violence by our almighty brother and she had to cover him up several times to protect his reputation.
All he had done was child’s play until Paul was called out in church as a groom to be to another choir girl. Her worlds literately collapsed.
In 14 years of critical study of human beings and working with people I have witnessed some of the most unbelievable cases and managed several crisis and scandals across several the continents. One baffling reality in all of these is my discovery of how almost all the men and husbands I have met have never taken out time to do an in-depth study on who a man is and not one person has even studied who a husband should be.

…1 out of every 4 women would be abused before the age of 18

But more challenging for me is also the reality that most of the women I have met have also not studied the etymology of womanhood and help-meet.
When a concept is not properly defined all forms of abuse would take place with broken people trying to assist other broken people without having what it takes thereby breaking them further. In most of my sessions a simple question such as ‘who taught you about manhood’ would elicit answers like ‘I learnt it from my father’ only for us to discover that many people have defined womanhood by what culture has taught over the years and there is no way a woman would be respected based on cultural errors.
In my work with people I have realized that most men who abuse always start out to help only for the vacuum in their own lives that hasn’t been filled to give way into a disempowering state where vulnerability kicks in and the lady becomes the specimen for their coping experiment.
Our world is in need of proper men who see a woman as a being that must be respected and not a whole that must be penetrated at all cost. We need men who have a clear understanding that a woman is a visible image & character of the invisible God trapped in the Feminine body for the purpose of earth’s management/rulership/dominion. Such men have a clear understanding that there is a clear difference between a woman and a wife because while one is an identity the other is a role that is optional.
Statistics says 1 out of every 4 women would be abused before the age of 18 and what that simply means 1 out of 4 would have lost their identity and their essence of womanhood before the age of 18 and once a human being has lost touch with her identity they stop seeing them as a being that must be respected and become a thing that must be used. But truth be told that real men don’t mess up women; they actually build women.
I co-author a write up with my sister Kate Henshaw a year ago and I hope the words would summarize my thoughts on the role we must play as men in checkmating all forms of abuse against our women.

The lady ………

Born with a weight of expectation on her lean shoulder; Born an endangered specie because trapped in her is a treasure box;


Born without a chance because culture & religion already defined her roles; Grew up without any form of protection from the people that should know better;

Developed without any form of empowerment because she was meant to be defined by a lover; Even though her body communicated a lady her soul was already damaged & the lady in her stolen;

A victim of physical, emotional and sexual abuse
Even though the world called her a lady she was nothing but the sexy container of a stolen jewel

Her Lover……

With no positive esteem she finds a guy who told her everything she was never told; Alas here comes the love and appreciation she had always craved for; so she thought

She gave out her heart, her body and was willing to give her life; severally she went through the valley of the shadow of death to deliver his seed through childbirth

He was meant to be a lover and all her life was supposed to be spent serving him; little did she know that her lover was also her killer

She thought she was free at last but in a lovers cage she found herself

Her Killer…..

She came loaded with gifts which may never be expressed because she met a lover; she came with solutions which d world may never enjoy because she met a lover

She came with a brain that is excellent but reduced to a cookery book because she met her lover; her lover turned out to be her killer

A killer of her creativity and her identity; a killer of the hopes of an entire generation because even though in her resides the solution to our national crisis. It may never find expression because she is only deemed good enough as a support not the leader

A killer of her emotional strength and esteem slaughtered on the altar of continuous verbal and emotional abuse; a killer of her body and soul occasioned by physical assault that common sense should have freed her from.

But while culture frowns at her ability to detach herself; religion teaches her to endure; and she dares not move to the law court because how does she gets justice when the determinant of her case is another lovely killer

With her face battered, her mind shattered and her body murdered what is left of the lady?

But the most important being the world needs is the lady not the lover and her killer. Would the society for once free her to be herself and deliver the solution she carries?

Would religion free her from the weaker vessel syndrome because her meekness is not the same as weakness? Would culture free her from traditions that seeks to subjugate her even though she has been proven to demonstrate superior thinking and delivery at different forum?

Would the lady arise to rescue other ladies from the clutches of a people who profess love but unwilling to give flight to her wings?;Would the society arise to free the lady from the clutches of the killer who is disguised as a lover?

Can we all arise & commit never to use the same hands that should protect her to kill?

Can every man stretch their hands today & commit to build, free and give flight to her wings? Can every man arise today and make a commitment to become a true bride groom whose core role is to groom the lady and set her free to become the best she can ever be

The killer must either be caged or made to go into extinction. The lover must be well cultivated and cultured on what true love is which is your willingness to add value to the lady for the rest of your life without expecting a thank you

And the lady must be set free to be the lady and deliver at the highest level possible no woman deserves to die any longer in the hands of the killer

It is high time we arose & free the lady trapped behind the prison of religion, culture and tradition

Let today be that day when the killer becomes a true lover and where the result of that becomes the emergence of the lady – elegant, majestic, true and the incubator that births the dreams that makes the world a better place.

  •  Can we all rise and join me to take this pledge
  • I pledge to my God and gender
  •  To keep my hands from killing a woman
  •  To treat every lady as our mother, sister, daughter and my global queen
  •  To defend their dignity
  •  And uphold their identity & purity
  •  So help me God

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