Responding to Backtalk from your children

No parent likes it when their child talks back at them but how many parents know that backtalking, though frustrating is simply a child's attempt to express their needs, feelings, or beliefs?

Not a lot of parents.

This is why the response to backtalking is always flogging.

When you flog for backtalking, you achieve nothing. Instead, you teach the child not to express themselves and this can be harmful to their success in the real world.

Imagine that the child gets into a romantic relationship in the future and their partner does something they don't like. Instead of expressing their feelings, they will bottle them up because the last time they tried to talk about something that bothered them, it ended in a punishment.

That's what happens when we "flog" for backtalk. We shut down the communication channel and miss out on a chance to connect with our kids. But here's the good news - there are better ways of handling it.

Step 1: Get Curious

Instead of immediately shutting down the backtalk, take a breath and get curious. Phrases like, "It seems like you're really upset..." or "I can see you're frustrated," show you're trying to understand their perspective. This simple shift can disarm the situation and open the door to a conversation.

Step 2: Offer Support

Once you've acknowledged their feelings, show your support. Could they be tired, hungry, or simply disappointed? Is there a way you can help them get their needs met? Perhaps a hug, a healthy snack, or simply letting them vent their emotions will do the trick.

Step 3: Revisit the Value

After acknowledging their feelings and offering support, you can revisit the original issue. Sometimes, a simple solution like offering a healthy alternative to the candy they craved may solve the problem. Other times, a discussion about healthy choices and delayed gratification might be necessary.

You're not just managing the backtalk when you respond with curiosity and support, you're also teaching your child valuable communication skills. They learn to express themselves effectively and understand that their feelings matter.